This week Slayer kicked off their North American tour in Las Vegas. On this tour, the band will focus on classic and fan favorite material. If you're in the market for some serious, legitimate, old school thrash, Slayer just delivered, big time!
Even though Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman is six feet under, this news must be giving him quite the boner.
Also this week, Metallica announced plans to play a concert in Antarctica, which seemed a bit odd. Turns out, it's just a big promotion for South American Coca Cola which includes a contest and a 10 day cruise. Really? Doing the corporate dance! C'mon!
(I tell you what, they try to do anything off St. Anger and those penguins will "boo!" Penguins are a tough crowd.)
Wait, it gets worse!
After a YouTube video surfaced of Justin Bieber singing the guitar solo intro to FADE TO BLACK and referring to their song ONE as "his jam," James and Lars responded by saying that The Biebs is "very talented" and THEN, they told the reporter for Q Magazine that they were "Beliebers!"
Cliff Burton just S#%T his burial suit!
Welp, that's it. The Metallica you've known and loved, is gone. No longer the young, careless, icons of thrash metal, now just old men wearing a fanny pack and velcro shoes, feeding bread crumbs to pigeons in the park.
Look, as Metallica fans, I think we've looked the other way on a lot of crap. Lars and his art, St. Anger, S&M, money grab movies, and Bob Seger cover songs. Hell, Jason Newsted doesn't even look the same anymore. (...oh, that's a different guy?) But this latest occurrence really spits in our faces.
Do you think Kerry King would ever call Justin Bieber "very talented?" Even if Biebs was King's own son, he'd probably never say it.
I seem to remember a time when Metallica's motto was "metal up your ass!" Now their motto is "Finger up the ass because my prostate is acting up!"
Metallica is just a corporate brand now. The hair is shorter, they're making video games, doing albums with Lou Reed, it's embarrassing! Look Metallica, I understand you're older and you want to branch out, experiment, maybe buy a sports car and apply some Just For Men to the beard, I get it. But if you're going to act like old fogies, then change your name to Medicaidica.
What's next, Megadeth playing the fair?
So as Slayer goes old school across the country, and Cliff lays in a soiled satin lined casket, expect to see Lars on "Dancing With The Stars" and the band playing for penguins in Antarctica, or worse, on tour with Justin Bieber.
*yes, I realize Cliff Burton was cremated. But crapping your urn isn't as funny as crapping your burial suit