Tiger Woods Scores With a Win, Not Pornstar

OK, so my headline is a poor play on words, but it's really what you were thinking when you heard that Tiger Woods claimed a victory yesterday at the Arnold Palmer Invitational in Florida.  Look, I'm not into golf nor will I ever be into golf, but you bet I'll be watching headlines on Woods over the next few weeks as his potential climb back to the top can only lead to his hopeful downward spiral.  I don't normally wish the bad things on people, but in Tiger's case, I do for selfish reasons.  

What do I mean? I just really want to hear Steel Panther's track "Just Like Tiger Woods" each time I go out to my favorite rock bar. :)

JUST LIKE TIGER WOODS LYRICS

If you don't golf that's okay 
You can be a tiger anyway 
Lie through your teeth when things get tough 
Or your balls are gonna wind up in the rough, yeah yeah 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods 
Fertilizing ladies in the neighborhood 
Get real rich and you will find 
All the hot chicks will want to grind 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods 
Grip that shaft like you know you should 
Get a platinum card, it will be all good 
The girls will want you just like Tiger Woods 

Remember this when you're having fun 
Three holes are better than a hole in one, yeah 
If the word gets out don't be afraid 
When a 9 iron's heading for you, escalade! yeah yeah 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods 
Filling all the divots in the neighborhood 
Don't think about those three foot putts 
And cover your tracks when you're banging them sluts 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods 
Text messages are never good 
Nail the girl at the driving range 
Your life will change, just like Tiger Woods 

Have your best friend book all your flights 
Tell your wife that you're golfing nights 
Get a call girl and maybe just chill 
Be willing to part with a 100 mil 

Bang a new pornstar every day 
Tell your sponsors it will be okay 
Surprise them all with an invitation 
To a viewing of your first double penetration, yeah 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods 
Poking all the holes in the neighborhood 
Tell your wife how it's gonna be 
Your driver is community property 

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods, 
Brett Favre did it, so you know you could! 

Become the king of your neighborhood 
Like Steel Panther and Tiger Woods 

Just like Tiger Woods! oh yeah yeah