UCrew Update

Thoughts from My Mattress Volume 1


I hate when people say “thoughts and prayers.” It’s so thoughtless. You can’t send a thought. Unless you’re an X-Man. At least take the time to form a full sentence. Pretty soon people will just say “t’s n p’s.”

Is polygamy illegal because of men or women?

If my mattress had self awareness, would he wish he was someone else’s bed?  Would it be a woman?

What do u think you see more on the road? Texting and driving, or people with their fingers in their noses?

A friend of mine abbreviated the word abbreviate. Abbrev. I was annoyed but also considered it well played.

Children should have their own restaurants where adults eat free. Little freeloaders.

What works better, bless you or gesundheit? Has it ever caused a war?

Do motorcycle people drive by outdoor cafes and rev it because they think we like it or are they being jerks?

Best movie of 2016 so far? I still say it’s The Godfather.

People who say the book is better than the movie are just mad that they read the book and feel the need to justify the time they spent reading.

Cul De Sacs have to be just mistakes that ended up working out. Like Reese’s cups.

I saw a guy in a bakery with a hair net on his head. He also had a beard and that didn’t have a net.

People who eat pop-tarts cannot do it and look sophisticated. Impossible.

Batman and Superman are friends. I don’t want to watch them fight.

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